A line from my wip: Brandan screamed again and something pulled the hair out of his head as it spun around in ways that Aaron didn't think were possible.
So what do you think was spinning; his hair or his head? I was going for the head, but as you can see I haven't figured out how to arrange the words, so we see the head spinning and the hair being pulled up and out.
A line from one of the other author's wip: I don't remember the whole sentence because the words that caught my attention were one eyed, one eared... from there all I heard was flying purple people eater even those were not a part of the story.
One final note: My wip (work in progress) is finished except for some spit and polish. Now I have to find a publisher or agent. Myrria the Dragon is probably cheering because I can finally focus on her story and maybe next year at this time she will be in the same place Aaron and his Uncle Brandan are in now.
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ReplyDeleteMaybe try, "...and something pulled at his hair as his head spun around in ways...". If you really didn't want any suggestions, I apologize!
ReplyDeleteI love reading fantasy!
Stopping by from Friday Fragments!!!
(Sorry about the deleted post. I left out things and it was really bugging me!)
What a sense of accomplishment you must have for having finished such a big project-Well done! :)
ReplyDeleteI thought "head." :)