Critiques have started

Well the critiques were a little rough, but good. I just have to change direction a little bit and work on some word choices. My original plan was to have Darby tell the story in a series of letters with Melanie taking over, but I think now I'll drop the letter idea and just tell the story or let Darby and Melanie tell it. I may come up with some other way to attract the kids, but maybe not. If anyone has any ideas drop me aline here or at my email. I'm open to ideas.